Breaking the Cultural Taboo

brealove

‘What?! He’s not South Asian?! You’re parents are going to kill you!! How are you going to tell them?!’

My boyfriend is African/Middle Eastern. We have been together a little over three and a half years and we are still learning new things about each other because of the different backgrounds we come from. I’m not saying things are rosy twenty-four/seven, that would just be absurd. We have our ups-and-downs like any other couple in a long-term committed relationship. But ultimately our differences keep things interesting!

The best thing about being in a relationship with someone who is not from your own country is that things are always exciting and new. You continue to learn and view the world slightly differently as well as allowing someone else a glimpse into your world. Cultures, traditions, faiths, religions and beliefs all play a central role in shaping the person you are, the person you become, and the fundamental point in which these beliefs are either accepted or rejected  starts with family. Personally I have never felt comfortable dating guys from my own country nor any other South Asian country. It’s not because they’ve all crawled out from under a rock somewhere, there are a lot of very good looking and decent South Asian men. It is because all South-Asians feel like family to me, which makes it extremely hard for me to actually feel attracted to them.

For South Asian girls, such as myself, the idea of dating first of all is a no-no, secondly dating a guy outside of your own country is considered taboo and something that is kept hushed. For example, to stress the scale of the inability to accept such a union, if a South Asian girl wanted to marry a guy from another South Asian country (Bangladesh/India/Pakistan) there would be a huge fuss. Be prepared for a lot of shouting, tears, argument, threats, plates being broken, bags being packed depending on the type of family you come from. South Asian countries all have similar fundamental cultures and tradition regardless of whether you are Muslim, Hindu or Christian. Damn it, the women wear red and are adorned in gold on their big day, we take a lot from each others cultures, the language is more or less similar and we all love curry and naan! So why the big commotion? If South-Asians can scarcely accept inter-marriages with an individual form another South-Asian country imagine how they would react to someone who isn’t even from the continent! As I have reiterated in previous posts, not all families are like this but the majority are!

[Not] looking forward to breaking this bombshell to my parents when technically I shouldn’t even be dating let alone be involved in a committed relationship! That’s my parents arranged marriage plans out the window! Oh well!

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4 thoughts on “Breaking the Cultural Taboo

  1. Having seen how a child “dating” plays out among my mother’s South Asian immigrant friends, I am glad that my mother grew up in the US and thus didn’t force those cultural ideas on me. Good luck when you finally do tell them!

  2. Thank you for sharing your experience! I was surprised – I believed that Asian people living in western countries tend to let their children choose the western lifestyle as far as dating is concerned. I have no idea how I would cope with my parents choosing my partner for me. No disrespect for other nation’s traditions, of course.

    • Sadly not. The majority, though they don’t mind or grudgingly accept certain parts of the Western lifestyle will draw a line at dating. It’s one of those things where they don’t want to look bad or be talked about because of their children’s behaviour. It’s all about upholding a good reputation.

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